bbc switch 'live'

For a TV program that consistently shoves sub-par 'indie' 'music' down the throats of future ex-editors of NME and maybe even VICE, they did a fairly hilarious U-turn in the direction of 'post-Disney' (Demi Lovato, put your lighter up!) 'pre-Alphabeat' 'pop' (were N-Dubz ever pop? Were Fallout Boy ever pop?). The lineup is as follows ; McFly (predictable), Ne-Yo (amazing, but predictable), Basshunter (I heard him on the bus to school once, shit), N-Dubz (actually very bad), Miley Cyrus (amazing, shit), Fallout Boy (2 good songs, generally shit) and The Belle Of The Ball will be 'George' 'Samson' (he danced once and it was passable).

Lazy journalism commences..
What do each of the acts tell us about Teenagers as People and also as Consumers? (the event is Xclusively 4 fourteen to seventeen year-olds)

McFly
'This one's for the prepubescent girls' ; and for those who Get that McFly are at least 70% brilliant. As a young girl I was obligated by law to buy a copy of 'Room on the Third Floor', the debut, which is about as exciting as a Delta Goodrem CD single (I was obligated to buy this, too) but is really good and catchy and fun and Let Us Face It, '5 Colours In Her Hair' and 'Obviously' are such notable Choons that it would be a shame for McFly NOT to play to a crowd of screaming girls. This tells us that teenagers are good and also have okay tastes in music.

Ne-Yo
'For the ladies' - similar to McFly, but smoother and more mature and with better moves and less terrible hair. He is the thinking 14-year-old's crush.

Basshunter
'For those who believe that music that sounds better as a ringtone' - basically quite a lot of people, then. Surely it is Highly Illegal for Basshunter to play in front of impressionable Youths after 'those pictures' that 'everyone has seen'? Soulja Boy is better, more fun and less 'naked on the internet'.

N-Dubz
'For the urbanites' - basically they couldn't afford a proper 'indie' garage act so Out Comes N-Dubz. They can't really rap but are popular with young people, so maybe teenagers aren't All We're Cracked Up To Be.

Miley Cyrus
'For the 7-17 year olds' - she ticks many a box, 'pretty' 'can sing' 'semi-nude photo scandal' etc. Her voice is fairly brilliant but a bit strange, Demi Lovato is so much better. Plus Demi Lovato is more interesting-looking. Like, Miley Cyrus does too much 'punching air' poses and 'manic jumping' in her videos. See for yourself.

Fallout Boy
'For the RAWKERS' - someone's got to speak for the minority. All those forgotten eyeliner-drenched kids with Proper Black Skinny Jeans have a voice and Pete Wentz provides the bassline. 'SOCIETY WIL DIE IF U LIKE FALLOUT BOY', maybe.

It seems there is a lot more for Girls than Boys, Fallout Boy could possibly be appreciated by a white male aged 15 but Really, we have to give the pubescent boys of London some credit, they deserve more, they deserve to be represented in this magnificent spectacle we call 'BBC SWITCH LIVE' - welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, this is GEORGE SAMPSON. He'll be entertaining your teenage boys this afternoon. 10/10. He appeals to everyone because he does very little and smiles quite a lot.

BBC Switch Live might be a bit fun.