i might do one of these for every skins episode until someone shoots me

Oh, God.
5 minutes in and my only notes are ‘WHY IS HE SKAEBOARDING (sic) SO FAST HE COULD HURT HIMSELF’, with the words ‘PISS-POOR DIALOGUE’ written underneath, underlined, circled, with a massive star next to the word ‘piss’.

I wanted to like this, I really did. But apparently a show written for teenagers, by teenagers, comes out looking a bit amateur. Who knew that the art of screenplay couldn’t really be replaced with dialogue that flutters between barely passable sub-sub-sub-Peep Show humour courtesy of ‘the geeky one’, JJ (shit name) and the most cringe-inducing underage double entendres since, well, the last series of Skins.

Basically, the plot this series is that Effy, the beautiful-yet-disturbed-yet-funny-yet-pyromanic lead is enamouring enough to attract the attention of every idiot ‘lad’ this side of Bristol. This manipulative heroine depends on her ability to control these smitten idiots into breaking the school rules in return for sexual favour. The ‘list of rules’ Effy wants Freddie to break are unintentionally hilarious, ‘Teacher Abuse’ ‘Arson’ and simply ‘glue’ being amongst the most radical. Anarchy, Skins says, is smoking a joint at college. What would Erase Errata say etc etc

I guess the real problem is that Effy isn’t really likeable enough to elicit all this lust she commands. Nicholas Hoult’s enigmatic cockiness hasn’t really imparted itself into her tiny frame and she just struts around looking a bit Heroin Chic all the time. It’s okay for about 10 minutes and then you’re a bit like ‘can Charlie Brooker or someone get here and save this wreck, please, I need to watch Lost.’

But hey, on a purely aesthetic level this thing isn’t too bad, they’re all quite pretty and the good ones dress like they’re in twee indie pop bands and the bad ones dress like they moonlight as lapdancers. The music’s alright. A bit, sort of, ‘Skins’ but that’s expected. The camera work is passable and seeing as the least promising actor in the last series (Dev Patel) is now the most promising actor in the universe, there’s hope for some of these kids.

Basically, it’s not particularly good but no-one’s expecting it to be 10/10, are they? 16-years-olds are renowned for being idiotic dicks, especially the clever, deep ‘n’ meaningful ones that think it’s well cool to swear and ‘smoke spliff’. It’s a testament to teenagers, if nothing else. We’re not actually that brilliant, and until we can learn to be proper citizens we have to watch Skins and nothing else. Boohoo.

click this for the best song ever

click this for a really brilliant clip from Y Tu Mama Tambien

an incomplete history of sleater-kinney

let's find out about sleater-kinney who have unfortunately been over since 2006!!!

on sleater-kinney's website you can find this quiz. I don't know much about them so I am going to learn too.

quiz

1. Which of these bands/singers has NOT opened for Sleater-Kinney?
The White StripesRobyn HitchcockThe DecemberistsYeah Yeah Yeahs

I don't know who Robyn Hitchcock is, so Robyn Hitchcock probably did. The YYYs are too big and great to not have supported them according to this list, and The White Stripes would've been a huge clunking elephant. The Decemberists are crap, though, right? I chose 'em.

2: What festival did Sleater-Kinney play soon after Janet joined the band in 1996?
SXSWReading FestivalEndfestCMJ

I chose Reading.

3: How many drummers have Sleater-Kinney had?
TwoThreeFourFive

Three?

4: In early 1996, Carrie didn’t make it to a gig in Portland and Sleater-Kinney were forced to perform as a two piece. She didn’t play on account of
Throwing out her backCar troubleFloodsNothing good to wear

Nothing good to wear would be the right answer but it's all about the tonality of the question. I think floods. Or throwing out her back. Floods.

5: Who directed Sleater-Kinney’s first video for the song 'Get up'
Miranda JulyBrett VapnekSpike JonzeLance Bangs

I doubt it was the last two; Mirana July is female too. I voted for No Name #2.

6: In what city did Sleater-Kinney play their first ever show?
Olympia,WABrighton, EnglandArcata, CASydney, Australia

Brighton is closest.

7: How did Corin and Carrie meet Janet?
At a Portland Blazers gameAt an auto showThrough a mutual friendThrough an "I Saw You" ad in the Portland Mercury

The last one... although... now I might just highlight the answers I went for.

8: Sleater-Kinney often don’t name their songs until they are recorded. What group of titles represents actual ‘working titles’ used by the band?
Out on the Tiles, Gallows Pole, That’s The WayPerky Pony, Crappy Kitty, BadgerLoose Stool, Loose Women, Tight PantsB-52's song, Words and Keyboards, Two Beats

9: What SK song was written in Calvin Johnson’s basement?
Get UpLittle BabiesIt’s EnoughEnd of You

10: At DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) Hall in Washington, DC, S-K’s set consisted solely of their then unreleased album, played in order from beginning to end. What album did they play?
The Hot RockAll Hands on the Bad OneOne BeatThe Woods

11: Carrie appeared in a television commercial with whom?
Ray RomanoWilliam ShatnerCarrot TopSpuds McKenzie

12: Janet began playing drums when she was:
16272212

Yes ALL OF THEM.

13: Corin’s middle-school band was called?
This, That and The OtherHeavens To BetsyStrawberry WhorecakeThe Ladybugs

14: Before Carrie moved to Olympia to attend college, she played in what band?
Christ on a CrutchExcuse 17Conspiracy A Go-GoPony Express

15: Janet’s first concert was:
Bruce SpringsteenYesJoan BaezDavid Bowie

16: Where does the name Sleater-Kinney come from?
The law office that helped Carrie through her 3rd divorceA road near Olympia, WAThey wanted something that sounded like Slutty-Kitty but cleanerIt is the maiden names of Corin and Carrie’s mothers

17: What MC5 song did Sleater-Kinney cover on one of their tours
American RuseKick Out The JamsHigh SchoolTommy Gun

18: In the beginning of the song “Heart Factory”, what is Janet hitting her drum sticks against to create the “industrial” sound?
An army helmetA space heaterPots and pansA 1/2 empty bottle of Makers Mark

19: What song, usually sung by Corin, did Janet sing almost in its entirety during a particularly grueling show?
SympathyYouth DecayTurn It OnStart Together

20: What song did Sleater-Kinney play when they appeared on The Conan O’Brien show?
Words and GuitarStep AsideGet UpYou're No Rock n' Roll Fun

LISTEN TO ENTERTAIN BY SLEATER-KINNEY

LISTEN TO JUMPERS BY SLEATER-KINNEY

hey listen

Listen up ; For future reference, let this be known as 'the greatest album ever created, at least to Abby Jitendra from the week beginning 5/1/09' . Here is how Popjustice.com would illustrate this fact;

1. Roman Candle - 'I'm a roman candle, my head is full of flames.' Is it cool that I used this in my english coursework? Is it cool that when I got bored in my functional maths (baby maths) GCSE, I filled in one of the questions with the lyrics to 'The Past Is A Grotesque Animal' and that the examiner must've had a strange half-hour of googling the words 'NONE OF OUR SECRETS ARE PHYSICAL' ? No, and seriously, no. Let's move on.

2. Condor Ave. - Elliott's voice sounds really brilliant in this, also his wierd pseudo-Southern twang makes it even more 'endearing' and good. 'What a shitty thing to say, did you really mean it?' Also, 'little whispered smoke signs you'll never get'. Amazing, beautiful, truly brilliant. This would be the best song on any album but on Roman Candle it's maybe like the 3rd.

3. No Name #1 - Beautiful. Also, depressing. 'Leave alone, cause you know you don't belong here' isn't making anyone feel cheery about losing their job/wife/purse. 'I hate to walk behind other people's ambition' is such a good lyric. Conversely, this post is so badly-written but I will continue.

4. No Name #2 - Harmonica? Harmonica. Elliott Smith is brilliant at melodies (see: 'Happiness' 'Angeles' 'Rose Parade' 'L.A.' 'His Entire Discography'). This is not his best song but it is still 8/10. Take that, 'Animal' 'Collective' (sorry Phil I do like them really).

5. No Name #3 - Literally amazing, literally. The lyrics are far more sparse and detached that Smith's usual style, without the sort of 'confessional' wordplay quality that he and other folky types capitalise on but retaining reams of depth 'n' meaning and other good things. He is what you call 'a good songwriter' which the Ting Tings are not.

WARNING : The last four songs are the best.

6. Drive All Over Town - 'It's okay I knew exactly what you meant, when you said you were an accident.' This is such a good song. Elliott's voice sounds incredible in this, too.

7. No Name #4- The 'happiest' song on the album, in terms of Tone Of Music-type things, even though there are heavy hints about, like, Domestic Violence in the beggining. The song reflects a lot of Elliott's later work - melody-driven wordy not-very-pop songs. I would quote this whole damn song but you don't have the time and I don't have the space.

8. Last Call (is the best song on the album) - Should I be a dick and label this song the 'turning point'? This is a 'turning point' - this is like where Debut Album Elliott Smith and Figure 8 Elliott Smith meet and shake hands and go for coffee and then decide to start making music together. And that is 'Last Call'. It's one of the best songs ever recorded. 'You're a crisis, you're an icicle, you're a tongueless talker, you don't care what you say'. 10/10.

9. Kiwi Maddog 20/20 - 'Subtle...yet evocative'. 'Multilayered'. 'The most intense piece of guitar wizardry ever made'. All these statements apply. This is a truly stunning composition. I wish Elliott Smith was not dead ):

In 2006 I went to Smith's home town, L.A. (though not because he used to live there) and the whole time I listened to nothing but Elliott Smith and it was 'haunting' and decaying and skewed and magic and since then I have been enchanted by him. And that is why I like, and will probably always like, Elliott Smith. End of rubbish, gushing blog post.

I don't know how you can like 'stream an album' on this blog dealy but if it was possible then I would place the entirety of Diplo's 'Florida' on here. It's quite possibly the best album in the world, though it is pretty much devoid of actual 'lyrics' and 'melodies' and other silly things that people who review music crave.

It's the tone of the music that really gets you; the ominous, sultry, almost suffocating atmosphere of the bass and the thunderous drums and clipped lines taken from warped conversations used as lyrics ('Sarah'). And then 'Into The Sun', with the backwards trumpets. Literally, literally amazing.

It would be good incidental music for, say, I don't know, Adulthood. Oh, if only they hadn't messed it up with that shitty Bashy song (soz). The album closes with 'Diplo Rhythm', his BIGGEST PARTY ANTHEM EVER ('only party anthem'), which is the brilliant kind of baile funk, reggaeton, foul-mouthed favela jam that Diplo is kind of famous for. Actually, 'Florida' is damn pretentious, but it's so good and psych-y and beautiful that it doesn't, and shouldn't, matter.

Secondly, there is this thing called 'music released after 2005' that I am not exactly up-to-date on, but according to this thing (and Natalie's iPod) this amazing person called La Roux exists and she's going to make 2009 bloody brilliant for all of us. Also according to this other thing there is a band called The Big Pink who are like a more dicky and cool version of well, Lots Of Other Bands. In fact, their whole deal is being more dicky and cool than other bands, and because one of them is head of Merok records and they have Akiko from Pre naked in their video, this is quite easily achieved. Here are some boxes that they tick :

• Vaguely 80s
• Alice Dellal
• 'Dark' Band Pictures
• List of obscure influences
• Unintelligible lyrics
• 'Heroin Chic'

And here are some that they definitely don't :

• Noise rock
• Baile funk
• Fun
• I Am Spy

Also, yeah, Megapuss ('crunk/jazz/pop'). Devendra Banhart and some guys from The Strokes making weird amazing psychedelic jams. 'Cool'.